one before bedtime.

i had a productive day. Really. Though i have nothing to show for it. I learned something new today and maybe one of these days i'll make something out of it. Hoping for the best.

* * *

Jr went by this morning to drop the tickets for the advance screening of Spongebob Squarepants the Movie. We were supposed to go together, but the school boy has an exam so I'm taking my cutest most favorite niece (as if i have a choice) Ouie along. She is Spongebob's biggest fan (she calls him Panpants Werpants). Im excited!.

* * *

Already sleepy. Will blog with passion soon.

cn i b ur txtm8?

somehow, in my 22 years of living on earth, i have come to accept that there are people like them. Those, even in a short droplet of time manage to annoy the heck out of me. Ok, so i don't know them, but after having the most tiny exchange with them stirs irritation from me worthy of blog space and time. So i dedicate this entry to them...
I have been subscribing to Sun eversince the start of their 24/7 call and text unlimited promo (to which i say, the Gokongwei's rock!). Originally, my sun sim was there solely for the purpose of my beb calling me. He's on a plan (because of the free phone), but i'm financially challenged so i'm on prepaid (which he loads up every month. I have such a loving bf). Hey it's there. It's cheap. So why not avail of it? I still keep my Globe line for work and old contacts, but since some of my friends have been "under the Sun" too, the use of the Sun sim have been promoted from just a mere tool for cheezy sweet nothings my beb and i shared. Ok, here's where i have a cow... Since it's unlimited, some people, I call them pirstaymers (alam mo yun, dude, wag ka namang pahalatang excited ka sa phone mo, First time mo?) think it's their duty to bug the hell out of people by sending them text messages like "Hi, cn i b ur txtm8? Wanna b my frend?" To which i respond, "Sorry i'm not intersted. I have lots of friends. Thanks, but not thanks." Of course, i get the occasional "Sige na pls?" or if im really lucky, someone who thinks he or she is God's gift to texters will say "Ang taray mo naman. Kung ayaw mo, wag mo". Believe me, i wanna raise hell with that, but my right thumb wouldn't allow me. It knows it'll hurt, a reply to that remark would take a "venter" like me no less than three connected messages. My right thumb knows what best for her. However, even with "taray" replies such as that, my number still hasn't been blacklisted from the pirstaymers club, since some of them still stray in my digital world. Here are some of their members...

Member No. 050221-A
0922489850x: (Calling at 5:30 in the morning. After i realized that someone was calling me, the idiot dropped the call)
1 new message
0922489850x: Cenxa n po ngdial lng me ng #. New lang po kc fone ko. Gus2 ko lng magkaroon ng kkilala. (aba, eto pirstaymer talaga. And proud of it.)
Me: (Pissed) Dude it's 5:30 am. Kudos to your new phone, but sorry im not interested in being your friend.
1 new message
0922489850x: Sorry po talaga! (Talaga lang! You better be!)

Member No. 050222-A
1 new message
0922377679x: (texted me with what appears to be a forwarded message, which immediately excludes him from my good graces. I don't know you, so please don't send me friendly quotes and act as if you do. You're clogging up the system. I can't reach my beb's number because of people like you {told you im a venter})
Me: (still having a few ounces of civility left in my tired body) Hi, who's this?
1 new message
0922377679x: Hnd rn pow nksAve # mow d2 eh,, d rn pOw ktah kLaLa. (Are you serious? uso pa pala ang pa-cute! Can you hand me that barf bag?)
Me: (now pissed): Then how in hell did you manage to text me? Oh nevermind! (Again, blame it on the thumb)
1 new message
0922377679x: Ewn cEO (ano daw? C.E.O.? more like S.O.B. Again, i ask, why me?)

Come on, give me a break. I have my own little wonderful universe to roam around in. Don't bug me. Have a life.

in heaven, there are skyscapers.

Warning: Semi-spoiler, so if you haven't watch the Keanu's (wow close, first name basis) latest flick yet, better not read this. I don't want any death threats people. I live in peace.

I finally got to watch "Constantine" last night. We've been holding off plans to watch a movie lately coz i can't stay awake for a late night screening (me too tired) and i'm not fond of watching movies in the afternoon. So thanks to my complete hours of sleep (see previous entry), had the energy to see Keanu Reeves break out of his Neo on Matrix persona. Well he tried to, but he sounded more like Smith (the one who kept on saying Mr. Anderson, blah, blah, blah ... in a low im-intimidating-you kinda tone). Don't get me wrong, I adored the movie! To the point of it giving me the creeps. Another one of those "challeging my faith" moments (The last time i had it was when i was reading The Da Vinci Code) . I had a beef with the devil though. Do we need him to be middle-aged, pale and bald? Can't he be more yummy, like, maybe, Andy Garcia? He surely would be more tempting.
One more thing, I love seeing pinoys in international movies, even the mere acknowledgement that we exist (like in those Adam Sandler's movies hehehe). So hearing "papatayin namin sila" from the pinay actor playing the girl possessed in the initial sequences of the movie made me smile. Can we be more stereotyped by the rest of the world? As if being terrorists, illegal immigrants and domestic helpers is not enough bad rap for us, do we really have to be portals for the damned? And apparently, we speak hellspeak and don't even know it. So much for being bi-lingual.
But it really is a good movie to take your mind off your interpretation of the universe for a while and explore another take on the heaven-and-hell thing. Great action sequences, very reminiscent of the Matrix but this time you get authentic looking (not glued on cotton balls and chicken feather) wings instead of Neo's eternally bellowing trenchcoat. Plus, got a little history lesson on the Crusades. Who said you can't learn anything from pop culture? hehehe.

great, great, great! (",)

red ribbon's palabok - winner!

i knew my mobile was holding me back. Getting text messages at 5:30 am would hound me to work so i have to drag me half-conscious self to my little store even if all i crave for was a few more zzzz's. Good thing, i had my phone buried at the bottom of my bag from last night's so i didn't hear the thing beep. Ladies and gentlemen, i just got my first 8 hour of blissful rest since July. Yipee for me. I needed that. Im starting to resemble a raccoon.

The last two nights was all too kind to my goal of losing a few pounds. Thursday was with jr,noeh and pep at the slightly new Promenade at GH. It was late, there was a quarter of roasted chicken involved, so do the math. Last night was at Nikki's place. Missy's leaving for Australia today (will be missed, for sure. See you December, Missy!), so the jr's cousins had a little get-together. There was Nikki, Jaime, Pauline, Trisha, Ari and of course Missy. We were oh-so-late, so half of them were already sleeping by the time we arrived (Si jr kasi. Na traffic daw yung MRT). So what else can we do? Tinatanong pa ba yon? We ate. Again, it was late, the palabok was delish, with those siomai like things with quail eggs, not to mention the donuts (I missed those little guys. Come to momma!).Ok im hungry...where's the ref?

Mock me.

Health Alert: I'm still sick. I have nothing else better to do. So i entertained myself (that didn't come out right). I peered through other people's lives. Haayyy, blogging. Digital tsismis.
So i came upon this blog entry from chockwit, and it cracked me up. Apparently, i have bad taste. Following is the list of the 50 Worst Songs of All Time. I happen to italicize those i like hehehe...

1. We Built This City - Starship (1985)
2. Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus (1992)
3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight - Wang Chung (1986)
4. Rollin' - Limp Bizkit (2000)
5. Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice (1990)
6. The Heart of Rock & Roll - Huey Lewis and the News (1984)
7. Don't Worry, Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin (1988)
8. Party All the Time - Eddie Murphy (1985)
9. American Life - Madonna (2003)
10. Ebony and Ivory - Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder (1982)
11. Invisible - Clay Aiken (2003)
12. Kokomo - The Beach Boys (1988)
13. Illegal Alien - Genesis (1983)
14. From a Distance - Bette Midler (1990)
15. I'll Be There for You - The Rembrandts (1995) (how can you not like this song? Friends, people!)
16. What's Up? - 4 Non Blondes (1993)
17. Pumps and a Bump - Hammer (1994)
18. You're The Inspiration - Chicago (1984)
19. Broken Wings - Mr. Mister (1985)
20. Dancing on the Ceiling - Lionel Richie (1986)
21. Two Princes - Spin Doctors (1992)
22. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)- Toby Keith (2002)
23. Sunglasses at Night - Corey Hart (1984)
24. Superman - Five for Fighting (2000)
25. I'll Be Missing You - Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans and 112 (1997)
26. The End - The Doors (1967)
27. The Final Countdown - Europe (1987)
28. Your Body Is a Wonderland - John Mayer (2001)
29. Breakfast at Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something (1995)
30. Greatest Love of All - Whitney Houston (1986)
31. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm - Crash Test Dummies (1994)
32. Will 2K - Will Smith (1999) (hehehe, i was in high school. Blame it on peer pressure)
33. Barbie Girl - Aqua (1997)
34. Longer - Dan Fogelberg (1979)
35. Shiny Happy People R.E.M. (1991)
36. Make Em Say Uhh! - Master P featuring Silkk, Fiend, Mia-X and Mystikal (1998)
37. Rico Suave - Gerardo (1991)
38. Cotton Eyed Joe - Rednex (1995)
39. She Bangs - Ricky Martin (2000)
40. I Wanna Sex You Up - Color Me Badd (1991)
41. We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel (1989)
42. The Sounds of Silence - Simon & Garfunkel (1965)
43. Follow Me - Uncle Kracker (2000)
44. I'll Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meat Loaf (1993)
45. Mesmerize - Ja Rule featuring Ashanti (2002)
46. Hangin' Tough - New Kids on the Block (1989)
47. The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You - Bryan Adams (1996)
48. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - The Beatles (1968)
49. I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred (1992) (what can i say?)
50. My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion (1998) (This one, i completely agree!)

16 out of 50. Not that bad. Not good either hehehe. Waaaah. Gusto ko ng gumaling.

mga hikbi at buntong-hininga...

Malungkot ako. At dahil malungkot ako, magtatagalog ako (nyek, konek?)

Lagi akong may hinihintay. Wala akong natatandaang sandali sa buhay ko na hindi ako naghihintay. Ang buhay ko ay parang isang walang paknit na lubid ng pag-aantabay. Siguro, nararamdaman ko na hindi sapat ang mga pagkakataong dumadaan sa buhay ko, kaya pag may dumadating, lagi kong hinihintay ang kasunod. Lagi akong nag-aabang.

Malimit naman mabigo ang madalas kong paghihintay. Hindi magtatagal ang may bagong darating. Akala ko tapos na ang paghihintay ko. Akala ko masaya na ako. Pero makalipas ang isang milyon at isang segundo, parang heto na naman ako, sumasayaw sa saliw ng isang lumang tugtugin. Parang may kulang. Parang hindi na naman tama. Oo na, tao nga lang ako, hindi marunong makuntento. Pero hindi. Hindi sa pagsasawalang bahala kung ano ang nariyan. Parang may kulang. Parang hindi na naman tama.

Hindi maglalaon at babalikan ko na naman ang nakasanayan. Minsan hahanap hanapin ng katawan ko ang kinagawian. Oo nga't kaakit akit ang matamis na pagkakataong nakahain sa harapan ko, pero mayroong higit na hinahanap hanap ang panlasa ko. Di lalaon at narito na naman ako, naghihintay.

Minsan, naisip ko, nakakapagod na maghintay. Masaklap ang paghihintay. Paano kung wala ng darating? Paano kung wala ka ng hihintayin? Minsan, naipagpilitan ko sa sarili ko na hindi na ako maghihintay. Pero napag-isip isip ko na para naman akong isang ipokrito, ipagpapangalandakan sa buong mundo na ayoko na, ngunit ang gunita ko'y gising, nagmamatyag, nag-aabang.

At sa huli, heto pa rin ako, naghihintay. Naghinhintay sa kung ano man ang darating. Pinananabikan kung ano man ang kahahantungan ng walang patid kong paghihintay. Oo, nga't parang walang katapusan, parang walang hangganan. Pero sa dulo ng lahat, isa lang ang tanging pagtitiyak, mananatili akong mag-aabang, maghihintay...

have you seen my nose?

A day of unexplainable crying will get you somewhere all right. I'm sick. I didn't go to work. I'm going to be poor. So, in my world, this is an excuse to rant. So here i go...

I'm fat. There. It's out in the universe. I can't take it back. I'm always bloated. Now, this is the weird part. I wake up wafer-thin, but the moment i drink my first glass, i inflate like a balloon. I don't know if this is all water weight (this is me in denial). I've been known to chug down 2 liters of water in one sitting. I am one thirsty girl. My ex-roomates used to call me "pato" in the condo, just because i love water (or maybe I have a very envyable butt. hahaha.). Well, i call it water, but my very loving sister calls it "gas". So i'm fat and gassy. Life is damn good.

I've been telling my friend that I've been considering obliterating my blog. It's been nearly a month since i've started blogging (again) and since then, i've observed nobody talks to me anymore. They just read my blog. Bakit ba naman kailangan pa akong kausapin, eh nandyan na lahat. Wala na akong tinago. hahaha. People, i'm still alive. Someone you love still writes this crap. Talk to me. I miss human contact. hahaha. Anyways, i decided to forego any major annihilation of my blog. I'm still too narcissistic to do that.

Ok, I have to drug myself now.

crybaby.

This is how my Valentine's went. I had breakfast, then i cried. I had lunch. then i cried. I was afraid to eat dinner cause i might cry. I didn't, but i still cried.
So i had a major crying spell yesterday. My eyes are still sore today. If i could only spend the whole day with my eyes shut, i would. Apparently, i can't cause i'm not rich enough. Too bad.

* * *

Jr brought me breakfast yesterday. He cooked salmon and eggs for me. Aint' he sweet? I knew i caught him offguard, but my female hormones just kicked in and i bawled my eyes out. Afterwhich... well, you know what happened...

* * *

I guess everybody now in urbania know about the valentine's day bombings yesterday. It really hit close to home for me because Jr was there. The moment I knew of the blast, I knew something was wrong. I immediately tried calling him, but he didn't answer. Moments later, i was relieved he texted me. The police are talking to him. He was on the MRT platform waiting for his ride home from school when he heard the blast. Everybody just fell to the ground (the ayala station was underground, and they thought it was an earthquake). Then people started running. He then thought the blast came from the mall. ( I would have been shaking if i was actually there, but he didn't care a bit. Some drama queen *ahemahem* was on his mind.) Then the next thing he knew he was being talked to by the police.

* * *

Somehow, i can't avoid but to entertain the idea of what if's. What if i lost him right at that instant. I can't. I won't. Thank God i don't have to. It still gives me the shakes until now. He just left half an hour ago. He wanted to see if i was ok. He spent another breakfast with me. Someone up there still looks out for us.

* * *

Over the weekend. We went to the mall. We were actually too tired to think of something else to do, so going to the mall was always the generic answer. I dunno if giving lallie the shakes is the in thing right now, but while inside that mall the power went down, at least, 6 times. It was a friggin disco.
There's something about me and power shutdowns in malls. Probably one of the most embarassing moment of my life happened at the Shang. Just came from Dee's place to finish a project. My ride was picking me up at the Shang, so Xtf dropped me there. Called up the driver, but he was still stuck in edsa so i decided to go inside the mall to pass time. So i had to go through this revolving doors. Of course, with my luck, the door's went out and i was stuck inside one wedge. I was a friggin fish in a fishbowl. Never went back to the Shang again. The guards might remember me.

kins and kebabs.

it was my second wake to attend to in the last four weeks. This time, it was missy and tj's lola, whom i saw lying in her deathbed when i went to their place in new intramuros almost two weeks ago. Missy and t.j are jr's cousins. Beautiful people, inside and out. They visited here for their annual vacation in manila. The death wasn't really unexpected, though still as painful.
I really don't like going to wakes (who does anyway?). A roomful of mourning people feels so draining. It's like having your energy sucked out of your body. Then there's the smell. Mortality. It reeks. Wakes are a constant reminder. We're not gods. We die. And while we live, we're expected to live. Death lingers. Make it a worthwhile pilgrimage.

* * *

As if going to the wake wasn't uncomfortable enough, practically the whole peralejo clan was there. I have a big family, but jr's family is as big, minus the appetite. That night he went through the rounds, making "mano" to everybody, while i stand there behind him, being introduced to every single elder in the family. Out of the nine 2nd gen. peralejos, 2 of which are abroad, 5 are present. Let's see if i get this right...
Of course, there was Tito Robert and Tita Remy, Missy and Tj's 'rents. The first time i met Tito Robert was in their house in new intram. Chikador, major. Parang tito boy, is that you? hehehe. There was Tito Monet (who jr lovingly refers to as "bossing") with Tita Veron, his wife and Nikki. Tita Veron, as always, is nice, eversince the first time i met her in their Cubao office. She always made sure i was comfortable. Nikki ("little bossing" according to jr), i have been with for several night outs already, and the girl has no mean bone. If i was to personify nice, it was Nikki. Then there was Tita Gigi and Tito Renan, Trisha and Pauline's 'rents. i met them before in Temple at Trisha's party. (side note: Trisha and Pauline are the warmest cousins, not to mention the most kalog cousins of jr. Baet, promise.). Then, there was Tita Mary Ann, whom i just met that time. Then of course, there was jr 's parents, whom i, when the need comes, i would still refer to as "sir" and "ma'am". Lucky for me, such an intance still hasn't risen. (Eto winner...) Then he introduced me to his lolo and lola. His lola, sitted amidst the girls (Tita Gigi and Tita Mary Ann) gave me a smile. Of course, i nearly peed in my pants by this time. Then i had the chance to meet his lolo. The man was all of 86 years, and still by this time, if he wanted to kick jr's butt, he can. Sure, he has people to do that for him, but if he pleases to do it himself, he could. With all the colorful stories i heard about him, from Jr, trish and pol, the man is a character. Karakter talaga... Here are a few of my favorites...

*In Malaysia...he was riding in the lift with Trish and Pol, then a couple of Indians rode in with them. Apparently, they smelled. Their lolo, known for being "passionate", said with conviction, "PuT@#$#@ mga bumbay to, bat ba ayaw nyong maligo?" O di ba karakter?

*In Hongkong... tired with tea houses, they decided in would be fun to eat in Jollibee... Hongkong. (Oo, pumunta sila Hongkong para kumain ng Jollibee). His lolo, fond of chickenjoy, ordered some. It was chickenjoy alright, but with those little bread rolls. Again with passion, "Put@*&$%# chicken joy to, walang kanin, tawagin nyo nga yung PuT@&%*^$ manager dito, paano ko kakainin to walang kanin?" Ang saya, grabe!

Last night, again one of those moments...
Jr: Lola, mauna na po kami. Susunduin ko pa po si TJ.
Lolo: Ah o sige. Ako jijingle muna. San ba jinggle-an dito?
Jr (whispering to me): This coming from a former court of appeals justice.
...iba!...

* * *

Last night was also the first time i met Missy. I have spoken with Missy over the phone last year. Jr and I have just started to go out then. Missy and Pauline was trying to convince me jr was a great catch (yes, he is). This was while they were out partying at Eastwood. Missy, since, flew back to Australia. Since they were here, i had catched a few seconds of her over the phone, making plans to meet up so we could finally meet each other. Yesterday wasn't really the occasion i pictured it to be, but the lady that she is, she made me feel like it was a normal meeting. She said hello, a kiss on the cheek and asked if we were ok. Then she sat with me all through the mass. I heard little sighs. Then, she turned to me, ask me if i'm ok, i said i was, then asked "are you?". She just smiled. Then she broke down while singing the Lord's prayer. She held my hands as tightly as she could. I gave her a hug afterwards and she again hold onto it. At that moment, i did my best to comfort her, i, the girl she barely knew for just 20 minutes. But i didn't know who became more comfortable, her or me...

* * *

Hysterical moment of the night: Scott a.k.a. "white boy", tj's friend, went to the wake dressed to kill. I almost died laughing in the car. Apparently, the poor Aussie had smuggled champagne from down under, hence, had no room left for clothes. He bought everything here, including his underwear.If you could only see him... dude, where's the partey?

* * *

The craving for persian cuisine has been tormenting the heck out of us since last week, so after the wake we went to Behrouz in Timog. The plain was cozy (see: small). But appently, it's the place to hang out in for all young urban people in search for kebabs. Some people were dressed to impress, which seemed weird at first, but then they were beautiful people, so i am in no place to mock. hahaha. The place was packed, so in lieu of the car-honking, smoke-blowing, al fresco dining, we had to eat upstairs, same food, but with A/C. I had the not-so-sinful shawarma, with all the wonderful sauce you can stand chuggin down and lamb kebab with grilled tomatoes, while jr had the taka, the beef tenderloin kebab (obviously, i have my family's appetite). For a tiny piece of meat on a stick, the thing was very filling. It was the kind of place you eat-and-run, and they had a grill out for to-go orders (had to remind myself if i want some quick bite). Next week, it's gonna be inasal. I'm salivating already.

hindi kami masaya... us at behrouz 02.12.05

ma-ma-ma-my shawarma... (lallie, you're hilarious hahaha) ...
ang cute ng placemat, floral... hahahaha.

my other boyfriend...

i have issues. I can't help it. Tao lang.

I love my tv. I'm obsessed with it. Once i get into my room, the first thing i look for is my remote. There had been many times when i unwittingly brought my remote when im out. Can't help it. Force of habit.

Many of my worst tantrums involves something weird happening to my remote. Case in point. I once went ballistic on my boyfriend because the friggin' remote control won't work. It was an ugly sight. I was sobbing and throwing everything around just because the thing was stuck. Add to that, years of tv addiction had put a toll on the buttons on my tv so the thing won't budge. So i was there, hysterical and completely gone wacko (of course, i didn't seem wacko for myself then, I had my reasons hahahaha) and the poor boyfriend had to find a way to get me a new remote. We went to the mall in half my jammies (yes, i was desperate) and bought this remote you program to your own set. I had choices, this expensive one or the more expensive one. I didn't care at that point, so did my beb, so we just grabbed the one that looked more "cute" and went home. Then, i was fine. The tears stopped. I was one happy camper when i started to jump channels (which always makes my bf's head ache, but it's ok 'coz he loves me). Ok, that sounded like I'm some schizo (maybe, why not?) . My beb even hinted i have a weird relationship with my tv (maybe, why not?) but he understood. He never again fought with me with the shows i wanted to watch. He just sleeps through them. The ordeal was too traumatizing for him hahaha.

Lately, got used to sleeping with the t.v. on. The sounds all turned down, so it's just pictures. Plus, i sleep with my back to it, so yeah, i should just buy some nightlight. But i like my t.v. Baka magtampo (hahaha, im definitely sick). I'm trying to find some ways of putting myself to sleep, other than watching a silent electronic box. Maybe, i should just finish that book that has been taking me ages to read. If anyone reading this has some kind of solution, tell me. As you can see, i need the help. One thing, burning the t.v. is not an option. Let's not go there.

knick knacks...

Superbowl XXXIX. The Patriots won. Surprise, surprise. Though it was a close game, somehow i miss the drama i watched from previous superbowls. There's something about Adam Vinatieri's clutch kicker with falling snow in the backdrop. Or i just miss janet jackson's right breast. hahaha

TAR. The models won. How wonderful. Another reason why the world is fair, especially to beautiful people. No, i'm not bitter. I'm just sarcastic.

Coffee. My body starts to crave for it. My skin doesn't break out anymore when i go guzzle up those javas. That's good, but this is very bad...

Chinese New Year. Kung hei fat choi to all the tikoys and non-tikoy's out there. Speaking of tikoy, still got a few more boxes left over. If you want one, pick 'em up at my house. Or else i'll just keep them and try to "grow" an experiment. (Got an ang pao from my aunt, yehey for me!)

Ash wednesday. Didn't eat meat today. I'll be dreaming of burgers later, im sure...

To a friend. Im always here. Thanks for the trust. Love you, always.

Blogging. Got von to do it. Im a bad influence. Spank me.

happy, now sad... happy again... then sad...

got a lil sad yesterday... so for a happy note...
finished my new project yesterday, got a couple of blankies from my "retail therapy", was desperately wanting to add some color to my room, as if it isn't loud enough hehehe... anyways, hooked them up with clips and circular rings and tadaahhh... instant window treatments. i feel so happy... yeah, mababaw ako. call me bi-polar, i don't care hahahaha.

my new treatments... b-e-a-utiful... hahaha

right now... watching the super bowl... finally had the time... supposed to finish it last night but i was too tired so i slept through it, was almost tempted to hunt for the results in the web, but i got a hold of myself, it's halftime right now, sir paul's playing and if i were on E, i would be so damn ecstatic...ooohhhh, lights...

humming the blues....

i promised myself many times before that i wouldn't let it bother me anymore, but i can't help it... old, unaddressed issues keep bubbling up everytime i heard of this and that happening, but it still remains the same.... old and unaddressed. And i know it's neither their fault nor mine that that remains so, let's just say i have nobody to blame... of course, sometimes, i think that i am to blame but my egotistical evil twin sister thinks otherwise. If i had half a character, i would probably have aired it out a long long time ago, get it over and done with, start from there and move on, but alas, i rather suck it in and hope everything will change. Of course, it never has, but im still hoping...yeah sure, i would have wanted it to seem like i absolutely do not care, that it doesn't hurt a damn bit, that i have better things to do, but i can't help feeling like something in me died, and so it happens everytime old wounds are scratched open again. Somehow, i always find myself involved in vicious cycles, this being one of many. But i can't help it, i'm human, pain doesn't escape me.

cure me...

caught a lil time for blogging, so let's have a lil recap of the weekend shall we?

*friday... woke up at 2:30 am, stayed awake til 10, of course, it's because of work, i can blog, but my brain can't function... and all that could possibly ache in my body ached, so i had to pass.

*saturday... woke up at 1:30 am, so that gave me a whopping 3 and a half hours of heavenly slumber, worked till 8 pm, then i just passed out, the peralejos kept calling to drag me to absynth, but knowing now that they'd stayed out til 4 am, im glad i passed out, i would just be a half awake company dreaming of sleep... pero as always, i promised "to make bawi"... (i should keep that promise sometime)

*today... woke up at 6 am to work (yes, i work on sundays... this is not a get- rich - quick scheme, i just had to) got off work at 9, which is not easy 'coz my boss is a bitch (hehehe) and went to mass with my beb. Then we bought cake for my mom (happy birthday, mama!) and went home to a feast, yumyum! Then after getting a slight rest from stuffing ourselves as if there's no tomorrow, my beb and i went to, where else? The tiangge. As usual, i bought stuff that aren't on my to-buy list and ended up not buying those that are on the list, but what the heck, i had fun. My beb calls it my "retail therapy"... hehehe, im sick, help me...

someday, i'll dance

i love reruns... especially those i religiously watch way back when i don't have a clue on what they're saying half the time. So everyday, at five in the afternoon, i sit on my bed and watch Ally. Yes, Ally Mcbeal, the girl who stood up for everything a somewhat successful single young professional is during the 90's. Ahh, 90's, as if it was ages ago. I used to think there was nothing to be aspired for with this wacky girl. She was never together. She chases imaginary dancing babies, dances to her "theme song", have wackos to treat her less-than-sane mind. But now, because of my addiction to reruns, i realize there was more to this girl that what i thought of her before. Yes, she is still all that, neurotic as always. But who isn't? Maybe, i just arrived in that point in one's so-called-life that nothing really makes sense, and even if you try to make sense out of it, it can all change in a snap of a finger, then nothing will make sense again. You rationalize and rationalize, but all rationalizing will always be in vain. Then, you meet the Allys' in the world, and you begin to wish you are them. They dance to the beat of their own drum, see unicorns, get to talk with those they love that has passed on, and do not fail to believe, to wait for what is theirs all along... They're never constrained with the norm.They break free, trample on, and burn the box society has made for them. They will always seem lonely, and empty and lost, but nobody will ever be richer, and happier, and more hopeful than them. And you begin to wish you could see unicorns, chase those damn dancing babies, and dance...just dance.

that red maya...

i keep seeing this red sparrow in our compound. She (i assume she's a she, 'cause she's in hot pink feathers, otherwise he is one gay bird, no pun intended, hehehe) Birds love to drop by here, maybe because of the nice, slightly breezy weather, or just for the reason that there are barely three people here during the morning, and for them this is one wild, free place. Funny thing is, he or she's not really born red, im sure. I think it's one of those birds kids buy in front of churches during sundays. Those that are caught, dipped in dyes of every conceivable color, then sold and bought by kids who torture them to death. But this bird was one of the lucky few, one of those who got away. She found a few friends who fly with her in the morning and annoy the heck out of my big dog, "Brownie", who as you can picture, in an askal in brown fur. (How imaginative, naming a brown dog "brownie". If i could only bottle this and sell it, i would be a millionaire hahaha) . That lucky bird... If only people could just fly and be free, this would be one happier world...

S.O.B. etc.etc.

sorry, need to release a few negative energy. i don't understand why people have to ruin such nice little families. fine, we all have dysfunctional families, but do we need to add more dysfunction to it as it is. I just wish that somebody take this to heart and pick up a very valuable lesson. I don't really care if my niece grows up lacking something in her life. Somehow, it think she's better off. It pains me to see those i love being hurt. I can conceive of at least eight ways of ruining his life, although i think the first one's got to do it. And i don't even like the person the first time i laid eyes on him. I smelled a rat. And god knows, i'll lose the 50 grand in fear factor because of those pesky rodents. I hate them. I hate him. Ok, hate is such a harsh word, but believe me, it fits. I just hope everything will be better. For the sake of everybody's sanity. Ok, that's done... am back to my calm, happy self...

how does this thing work...

im havin' trouble making this thing work. I can't publish the photo in an existing blog, so unless i figure it out, this will have to do. By the way, this is my beb and me, cute huh ? (",)

me and my beb 01.14.05

life's short

just got off work. I'm starting to slack off, business starting to slow down, tapos na kasi yung peak season namin, which is fine with me so i can get my r'n'r time back and i have more to time to do other stuff (like blogging (",) ). Im a shirker! ( my ds teacher would be proud of me, not because im a shirker, but because i can finally apply that word hahaha). As usual, first thing i went to online was thru my mail. Got just one mail, a job posting which is quite interesting. It's research work, and im planning to go into that, part-time, just because i need to do something educational. Sales is starting to get repetitive, and i'm starting to bore myself to death. Life's short, gotta get more out of life that just money, though having money is definitely not that bad.
Second site on my online agenda was, as always friendster. One thing good about friendster, especially for people who's bad with birthdays, like me, are the reminders. So shout out to my friend Windell, ei dude, may utang ka sa akin, hehehe. Tapos, i went thru my friends' pages. Being so busy and all, this is a nice way of thinking you're a good friend, check out their pages, see what's up with their lives, and if anything written down spooks you, then text them. Ok, im a shirker and a cheater, but at least im concerned.
So as i go thru my friend's pages, i came about yeng's, and my heart broke once again. I can't help but get my heart broken everytime i hear from yeng nowadays. She just lost her love a lil over a week ago, and though i could never imagine the pain she's going thru right now, i just wish everything will fall into place soon, so we can all see the smile her beautiful face lately misses. To yeng, i love you, we all love you, so cry if you must, but im sure there is always a reason. He will always have a reason. And don't forget we're, im always here for you.
It's instances like this when you feel blessed with what you have. So to my beb, i love you, thank you for making me the happiest girl for the last 11 months. thanks for being my everything.