most of the time,when i go weeks without blogging, it usually means i'm in a very happy place, im perfectly content in my little space in the world and there's no real reason to vent out, thus, no blogging.not in this case. I chose not to write because i decided to practice a little tact, hoping it would spread like a contagious disease and reach those who need to exercise some. I was thinking maybe if i shut up for a little while, i can filter out unnecessary hostility and be less of a biatch (although, i publicly admit being a certified one). don't get me wrong, this is a very traumatic experience for me. I've never felt so offended lately that it brings out the very bad, bad side of me. I don't like the feeling. My bliss went kaput.But i guess the silver lining out of all of these drama is that, THIS, too, shall pass, though not as quickly as i would have wanted to, hehehe. And despite my seemingly indifference about the whole situation, i sincerely wish everybody their piece of heaven on earth, whatever form it may come. As for me, i'll just work on bringing my bliss back, a pair of havi's might just get me started (",).
I was looking through friends' accounts on myspace and i came across this at Joyz's. Had to swipe this classic off. Iba ang trip. Arghhh, those were the days!
I remember this. Somebody can't. Hehehe.
Can i go back? Can I?
Kids and Dreamers
God really has ways of throwing me a curve ball. Just when i start being happy with what i have and just being grateful for everything else that comes my way, He sends me little somethings to tell me He has yet to give me the best in life. I am a convert. All because of a kilig flick i watched on Star movies.
Brian had a dream. He has a lifelong crush on Drew Barrymore and with 1100 dollars and the support of his Drew Crew, he finds a way to invite Drew out for a date just before he had to return his 30 day money back guarantee camera to Circuit City. Right, it was a dream, and i was sharing it with him. The guy's crush on Drew was so intense, i was pulling for him. I've been there, knee-wobbling, hand-trembling, mute and red and flushed at the same time, the works. God knows, I knew what he felt and practically cried when it all started clicking for him. I was bawling my eyes out in giddiness when he finally got his moment. If bliss could kill, dreamers who watched this film would all die and go to paradise. It was a long shot, it took him longer than 30 days, it was sure worth it. My jaw hurt like heck when i went to bed, smiling long after the movie was thru does that to you.
I used to ask for a lot when i was younger. I prayed like any kid my age, overexposed to a society where wants and needs get tangled up into one commercialized mess. Hard times came up, and instead of being resentful that things didn't go my way, i am grateful i chose to see the brighter side of things. I was still blessed in more ways than others. I hang onto that and stopped wanting and started thanking. I think i overdid it because guilt gets in my way a lot lately. I've stopped praying for little things because I think God is too busy fixing the mess out on Iraq or some other part of the world that needs His attention more than me. I was in super steady mode, i was unshakeable for some time, but it unnerved me in some way. I was in peace but something's amiss. Malabo ba?
Then He threw my first curved ball in recent memory. Somebody told me He wants us to need Him, not just for the major decisions in our lives, but as with little things, like what to wear for the day or what to eat for lunch. He wants to be a part of our every moment, our every step. It is His job to take care of us, and it's in our part to entrust our every move to Him. Us mere humans know how frustrating it is to feel useless. Sometimes, it's nice to feel needed.
I'm still learning how to dream a little higher, haven't had much practice lately. I've got more questions, though, about what's happening with my life and where im heading, but i'm surrendering all the worries to Him. He'll pull through, as always. For the meantime i'll just keep the questions and dreams coming.
Ever had one of those moments when you meet a stranger's eyes and you feel an irrepressible something? And on that same split second you know the other person feels it too?Just a thought.
O.S.T. ng araw ko...
I need to remind myself, from time to time, that this is not a rat race. But sometimes i just can't help but feel that i'm getting left behind. Somebody told me it's ok to make mistakes, but it's hard to make peace with the mistakes i've been committing lately. i can't seem to shake the thought that i passed by a forked road sometime before, and i took the wrong turn. Hopefully, what lies ahead proves i didn't. Consoling myself with: Billy Joel - Vienna
***If i was
stalking still in deep like (read: kina-crush) with my UCC, i would have flipped out this morning. But, di ba tapos na nga?Who am i kidding? I can't even convince myself. Thank God, He gave me massive will power, or else i would have buried myself in shame and die an early death. Basta, no lines have been stepped on, the line is way beyond sight. This is still on the realm of harmless admiration. This is still healthy. Walang kokontra. Smiling sheepishly while listening to : The Faders - Whatever it Takes
* * *I've temporarily given up being shopgirl for a desk job at a trading co. Stressful days and sleepless nights bugged me. i'm trying this one out for size. Less people, more papers. Still trying to be less guilty for the trees being cut down to serve my purpose here. It's nearly been a month of working the phones, the workstation and the net, but so far i've gotten two hand and footspas, a month's worth of food supplements, two months worth of mobile bills and a vacation, all paid for by the corp. Hehehe, not bad for a day's work. Nothing like a perk to brighten up my day.Winding the day down with : Sitti - Para sa Akin
i might have jinxed myself.earlier this year, i got bored with the usual templates blogger has for its loyal (read:
cheap non-paying) subscribers. And since summer, then, was around the corner, i felt like giving ode to the sun gods hence the blog theme. i was excited. i could practically smell the sea breeze and feel the sand between my toes. The shores were calling me.Fast forward >>> Two months later, and i found myself with a beach-less summer. No sea. No sand. Nothing. No kebabs by the beachside turo-turo, not even a stick of grilled TJ jumbo hotdog.No drinking sessions right by sunset and no morning hang-overs washed down by cheese omelette.Yup, jinxed.But, im not complaining. You need to lose some to get some. My summer's still a blast, beach or no beach. Plus, why get all upset with a summer that boasts of too crowded shores and mega jacked up prices, when you can have the whole island to yourself for practically next to nothing? Wait for me, paradise, i'll heed your call. I always do.
Wait, let me cherish this moment....I can finally say, without bitterness or denial, i did it. I finally let go.I didn't know an underexposed picture would be my answer. Now that's a Kodak moment. I know you wouldn't get to read this, (i'd die if you did... wait, nope i wouldn't anymore), i wish you all the happiness in the world. I think everybody deserves it. Even me.
Who's afraid of the big ass mall?
After letting the curious throng have their way with the very hyped up mall by the bay on its first two weeks, beb and i decided it was our time to conquer it (ala- mt. everest ba?). So sunday after our monthly church feeding, we went to Henry Sy's latest oversized baby, SM Mall of Asia. Did we like it? The curious throng we wished would have passed out due to exhaustion is still there, and they brought their whole barangay with them. There are large sections of the mall that aren't A/C-ed, so be prepared to sweat like a pig if you attempt to walk end to end. You could literally smell Manila Bay, and believe me, it will leave a lasting impression that needs shampooing and heavy scrubbing to rub off. After mutually agreeing that we had enough, we went back to the car parked at the lubluban-ng-kalabaw vacant lot behind (as in dagat na sya after) the mall. They should do something with that pathetic excuse for a multi level parking. Beb sending the car wash bill to SM Prime, and we're expecting reimbursement. Its saving grace? Among its countless stores is a treasure trove of bargain books, and since we have this incurable disease when it comes to buying books, we succumb. Got myself J. Grisham's King of Torts, all for 189 clams, beb got me girl, interrupted, which i vehemently deny to be my memoir, and got two of his own. Sige na nga babalik kami, next time properly stretched and warmed-up. All for the love of books.
Please, let it not come in threes...
this is one trying day!woke up to a ruckus very early this morning. always have been a very light sleeper (even buzzing mosquitoes keep me awake at night) so a loud bang followed by shattered glass shook me from slumber. Apparently, we now play host to gang wars these days. Although greatly baffled because i don't remember signing myself up to any Sige-sige Sputnik application form, i'm still grateful nobody got hurt. The helpless tanods were called in and all they could do was to "i la-lagbuk na lang mam ser". It was barely dawn. This is not the way to start off a day.after drowsing for a couple of hours, off to work i go. People close to me know i get cranky when i don't get my full eight hours, heck this wasn't even the best day to begin with. Who braved to push my button? I pity you mr. credit collector, you chose the wrong person to harass your way off to a commission today. I owe nothing to nobody but my parents, and since we obviously don't share DNA, and i don't know what the heck you're blabbering about, you bullied the wrong very cranky gal. If you and your species think you could throw scary legal gobbledegooks and make unwitting consumers piss in their pants in fear every damn day, you should have called in sick today. Although i may stall my way on my inevitable law school days, i still know the law dimwit. I do good b.s. too, way better than yours or you could ever hope to be. Who shitted in his pants today? Ooops, not me.Kawawa ka naman, ako haharassin mo? Sure you wanna do that?God, please give me patience. Preferably by the truckloads.