it's my party, and i'll cry if i want to...

It's always been the same every year, and this year wasn't any different. Yes, i've seen it coming, so i tried my best to keep it to myself, wear my happy face and keep the waterworks at the minimum, at least when people are around. But when i'm alone, well, that's a different story.

I can't help but have a series of breakdowns around my birthday. I already warned beb the week before that the coming week would be one heck of an emotional rollercoaster, and hoped he'd be along for the ride and just hold my hand throughout. I'm glad he didn't run to the opposite direction cause I had more lows than highs. I was crying half the time without any reason. A simple phone conversation would turn into a shrink session with me playing the loony one. I am not big on birthday parties, mine particularly. Yes, i'd go on somebody else's shindig, but when it my turn to blow my cake, I don't want anybody making a fuss about it. I didn't wanna go out, let alone be reminded that i was turning a year older. It was agreed upon by the two of us that the 29th would be our anniv, not the day i was born in. I just wanted to get it over and done with.

And over it is, finally! Looking back, it was a one crazy year. I managed a store, then i opened up my own. I celebrated a whole year with beb. I lost some weight, then i gained a few more. I acquired a whopping total of 5 pairs of shoes all throughout the year, but enough bags to fill another wall of them hanging. I had trips, dinners, movies, laughs and a few more moments with friends, although not as much as i hoped for. I was happy, and sad, happy again, sad some more. It was a year of growing up... fast. And since my annual drama is over, i can celebrate. Celebrate, not by partying it up, but by living it up and look forward to the year that will be.

Naaah, i wanna par-tey!(",).

postscript: thanks for all those who wonderfully sent their greetings. I'd rather not risk getting the ire of somebody i failed to acknowledge, but you know who you guys are. I very much appreciate those messages. For those who didn't remember, i wouldn't blame you, believe me i understand hehehe (guilty laugh). Love you all to bits.

random shoutouts

I have a zillion un-opened emails. I don't know exactly when did Friendster became so complicated to operate. YM never fails to deliver my offline messages. I'm seldom home to receive phone calls. So, thank heavens for mobile technology. My closest buds now know the only way to find out if im still alive is to send me those little text messages of musta's and wazzup's and hold their breaths (or not) for my reply. And as i am reminded of someone who's older and much more wiser, i am making a point to reply, not with just a lousy "K" who, let's admit it, is a waste of one peso, but with a really sincere response to a well-meaning question. I am as much offended as the next person if all i get is a lame "K" for a text, so i try my best to converse, even digitally. Besides, i am in deep need for human interaction, not that i don't get any. It's just that one can never get enough. So this entry is dedicated for all those people who made my recent days lighter , in 160 characters or less (",)...

Kaye Wee - Damn, girl. You're witnessing a miracle almost every day. You don't know how much i want to be in your shoes in those moments. And although Zamboanga is a plane ride away, the distance never really hurt the friendship. We're tighter than ever. Come visit, you owe me a hug.

Von - Wala kang kakupas-kupas. You never fail to make me smile, as in crazy smile. Minsan, akala ng mama ko nababaliw na ako kasi tumatawa ako wala naman akong kausap. You're my premiere source of tsismaks and intrigues (and tsinelas...still waiting). Don't be a stranger. I know you'll never be.

Maebz - Thanks for asking. I maybe difficult around this time of the year, but friends like you make this easier for me. I love you, friend. And side note: Ang buhay parang pelikula, may bida at may kontrabida. Boring ang bida pag walang kontrabida. Ang kontrabida pinag-uusapan, kinaiinggitan. Hindi tayo bida, kaya tayo masaya, lalo ka na, haba ng hair mo. Marami ring extra. Ang extra madalas walang bayad libre lang pagkain. Hindi ako extra (Actually, the extra part isn't in that line of thought, nakakatawa lang... labo ko talaga)

Pao - When you started asking me if i were sanchai because dao ming si is asking, i knew immediately it was you. Konti lang kasi kilala kong high pero not on drugs. It was nice to hear your voice. How long has it been? Our friendship is the only good thing that came out from the tragedy that is the Alex's-and-I-era. No offense Alex, but we both know it was crummy. See you in December. Dinner's on you.

Beb - Thanks for not giving up on me, even though there were times that if you did, i couldn't really blame you. You're my rock.

Harry Potpot and the 22-yr-old baby

He planned it. I agreed to it. He had tickets bought already. And then, the last minute, i threw a fit.
Not just a fit, i shamelessly threw a full blown tantrum, just like the way my niece, now, knows the power of tears. There were waterworks, feet stomping, fruitless pushing, not to mention flying clothes. There is no excuse for what i did. (Actually there is, but that'll remain between the realm of the bf-gf walls, unless i want to make it real obvious that sanity has left my building). If i was him, god knows, i will give up on me, but the guy showed enough patience to merit him a Noble Peace Prize for Grace under Girlfriend pressure. Grabe. This guy really loves me.
So there, i finally caved, so, in the only pair of jeans left that i could fit in, and all the dignity that i could muster, we picked up jamie, and met with trish, ari, and raph (It's always couples' night when i go out with the Peralejos.) at eastwood to dine and watch the latest installment of J.K.R.'s money making franchise. Surprisingly, eastwood changed a lot since i last visited the place, which was...hmmm.... forever? A lot of the restos closed shop, and there are fewer people strutting their stuff than i remembered. We settled for heaven n' eggs, which could use a few more tables to cut the waiting line short. Since, it was already past by bedtime, i wanted something light and although, obscenely priced, the BLT sandwich is, forgive me, heavenly. It had some fancy name but i was dead set on a BLT sandwich and all the stars aligned to give me what i crave for. Guess jr wasn't the only one who wanted to make me happy.

Then, there was the movie. To cram 734 pages of literary goldmine into a 2+ hour of movie is indeed an excuse for the minadali feel of the movie. The Quidditch World Cup, the Tri-wizard tournament... everything feels so... lacking. But nope, it did not leave me wanting for more. For some moments there, i felt it was dragging. Heck, half the scene progression was practically character-insinuated. I could have shouted "Oo nga Hermionie, ikwento mo na ang kung ano nangyari sa susunod na mga scenes para matapos na lahat", but fortunately, i gotta hold of myself. No, Cho-chang doesn't look prettier in the movie that in those movie posters. The CGI was great. The great hall, the yule ball, the quidditch world cup... amazing. Ok, admittedly i like the third one better. Besides, i'm partial. The Prisoner of Azkaban is my favorite in the series. The only glorious thing about the movie is Viktor Krum. Yes, i like 'em chubby. Oooh, Yummy!

how random can it get?

(note: this is how my mind works when i got too much time on my hands. i still don't know if vacations are good or bad for me. read at your own risk.)

- someday, i will write a stunning literary piece on pancit canton that would win a Palanca. Don't ask me when, and most importantly why. Basta. Pancit Canton.

- my room is in such mess. and i rather blog than clean it up.

- i think the downy smell should be bottled. not as a fabric softener but as a perfume. i would buy it.

- i have enough plastic bags in my room to choke a whole battalion of penguins. I wonder if it's true that the balloons we all have the inclination to release into oblivion goes to the antartica and kill all those little guys. Ang sad.

- why don't my earrings come in pairs? i keep losing a piece. Bummer.

- i always have nothing to wear. it's amazing how you can stare at a closet full of clothes yet lash out at the world because you "have nothing to wear".

- i still keep the small plastic bag of cut wavy hair behind my pirated dvd shelf that used to be a part of me not so long ago. im still mourning my loss of hair --- and sanity.

- my curtains look cute and peachy. yun lang.

- gwen stefani gets her colon cleaned up somewhere. haay if i could do without constipation, now that's the life.

- i wonder if i could comprehend the 6th harry potter book without reading the 5th?

- i hope von's tsinelas would fit me. hahaha. parinig.

- lss for the day: Don't lie by Black eyed peas.

- bakit masarap ang cassava? nakakainis.

- oooh, cherry gum.

- november na naman.

- next month december na. wala lang.



I love mental purging.