Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Kids and Dreamers

God really has ways of throwing me a curve ball. Just when i start being happy with what i have and just being grateful for everything else that comes my way, He sends me little somethings to tell me He has yet to give me the best in life. I am a convert. All because of a kilig flick i watched on Star movies.

Brian had a dream. He has a lifelong crush on Drew Barrymore and with 1100 dollars and the support of his Drew Crew, he finds a way to invite Drew out for a date just before he had to return his 30 day money back guarantee camera to Circuit City. Right, it was a dream, and i was sharing it with him. The guy's crush on Drew was so intense, i was pulling for him. I've been there, knee-wobbling, hand-trembling, mute and red and flushed at the same time, the works. God knows, I knew what he felt and practically cried when it all started clicking for him. I was bawling my eyes out in giddiness when he finally got his moment. If bliss could kill, dreamers who watched this film would all die and go to paradise. It was a long shot, it took him longer than 30 days, it was sure worth it. My jaw hurt like heck when i went to bed, smiling long after the movie was thru does that to you.

I used to ask for a lot when i was younger. I prayed like any kid my age, overexposed to a society where wants and needs get tangled up into one commercialized mess. Hard times came up, and instead of being resentful that things didn't go my way, i am grateful i chose to see the brighter side of things. I was still blessed in more ways than others. I hang onto that and stopped wanting and started thanking. I think i overdid it because guilt gets in my way a lot lately. I've stopped praying for little things because I think God is too busy fixing the mess out on Iraq or some other part of the world that needs His attention more than me. I was in super steady mode, i was unshakeable for some time, but it unnerved me in some way. I was in peace but something's amiss. Malabo ba?

Then He threw my first curved ball in recent memory. Somebody told me He wants us to need Him, not just for the major decisions in our lives, but as with little things, like what to wear for the day or what to eat for lunch. He wants to be a part of our every moment, our every step. It is His job to take care of us, and it's in our part to entrust our every move to Him. Us mere humans know how frustrating it is to feel useless. Sometimes, it's nice to feel needed.

I'm still learning how to dream a little higher, haven't had much practice lately. I've got more questions, though, about what's happening with my life and where im heading, but i'm surrendering all the worries to Him. He'll pull through, as always. For the meantime i'll just keep the questions and dreams coming.

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