Thursday, March 03, 2005

In passing.

I have always been a fairly stable person (despite what my blog entries paint me to be hehehe). I do what normal people do. I wake up, eat, do what is expected of me and sleep. To authorities, i have been the poster child for societal conformity. I was never a trouble-maker and can proudly say that i always read the book and followed it to the letter. Yes, i had my share of fun --- partied, drank, flirted, stayed out late, had my "takas" moments --- but never really overdid anything. I am a good girl, regardless of a few friends' resounding objections. Good stable girl.

But admittedly, too much stability takes a toll on me. Then comes those moments when i just want to disappear, to get lost. I just want to get away from it all. I want to run away and forget. Being a good girl isn't necessarily a walk in the park. People have expectations. I try to meet all of them, but human as we all are, I try but it always ends up in vain. Then feeling like the biggest failure to have ever graced the face of the earth, my heart whispers to the wind, pleading to take me anywhere but here. I feel so shaken that i wish that it is the earth grumbling, ready to open up and swallow me whole before i fail again. I wish, and wish, and wish, but when i open my eyes, i'm still here, having no choice but to go on, just left saying to myself, with fervent hope, "Tomorrow's a better day. Lallie, let's keep it happy." Then i just carry myself like life's one great picnic, smile, and be the good stable girl everybody knows me to be. Then you mask it all with a little drama here and there, so whatever it is that drowning you inside would seem just that, drama...

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